Wednesday, February 19, 2014

We are over the 10kg hurdle, but a bigger one looms

Things are looking good. Hit the 10kg mark - actually at 10.1kgs. What this means is that we are at 16.83% of our total goal and I've lost 6% of my bodymass. Not bad for 6 weeks.

What I am struggling with though is a debilitating depression. I always get melancholy in March / April - the seasons change, it gets cooler, I feel lonely, no holidays to look forward to. But this year its hit earlier. And Im wondering if its part of my carb withdrawl? Googled LCHF and depression and havent really found anything that gives me answers. I wonder if anyone else suffers from this. It's hitting me badly though - I dont want to hang out with people and when I do, I hold onto a brave face while we are out and then cry all the way home. Its really not me.

I just feel so despondent, Im succeeding in my weightloss, healthy lifestyle, work is good, friends are good, family is fine. But there is just some sort of underlying sadness that is eating my soul. And I dont know how to fix it. If I could pinpoint where it is coming from, I could handle it - but I have so much going for me right now. It just doesnt make me happy. Im giving myself a week or two more and then I think I need to go and see my doctor and see if we can do a mild anti-depressent. Perhaps that will just give me the boost I need.

Im never like this - always the life of the party, always happy, always having fun, always out and about - so people dont really know how to deal with me in this space. So I just withdraw. Which doesnt help matters. If I could just find the root cause I could deal with it. Perhaps some therapy (although we all know how that went down last time, so my faith in that is at an all time low). I just feel like running away.

Whew, heavy post - but I do feel a little better now having let the steam out of the pressure cooker now and actually acknowledged it. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.

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